Faithfulness in the Midst of Misplaced Dependency

        It is absolutely disheartening to me how quickly I misplace my dependency on God and switch it out for some infinitely inferior substitute.  Last week I got a terrible case of the stomach flu.  The electricity and Internet were our all day and I found myself in the desperate and strange state of not knowing what to do. I lay on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, incapable of communicating with friends or family and unable to lesson plan or check my e-mail.  I could not watch a movie, read a book, or even turn on my bedroom light.  Ostracized from the people I know best and unable to turn to some form of media that would allow me to pass the time, I felt alone and powerless.  In that moment, I was terribly aware that my first impulse is not to seek God, but to seek any other avenue of help beside Him.  Even on days when I am perfectly healthy, I find myself fleeing to a friend for a solution instead of running to God. I wish I could say that I’ve learned my lesson, but I know my heart too well – it is “prone to wander…prone to leave the Lord I love”. To see this sin in my life deeply upsets me, but what overwhelms me is that in spite of it all He is faithfully present. 

In light of all this misplaced dependency, God does not give up on me.  He is faithful to His promise that He will never leave me.  I don’t know why it shocks me so much because He is always faithful, but in times like this I am reminded again how little I deserve that faithfulness.  It was at this time, right when I was feeling the most discouraged about being here and feeling doubly discouraged at finding this sin in my life, that He allowed me to go to a beautiful outdoor market in Tegucigalpa.  I wish you could have been there and walked through the rows of vendors with me; eager sellers naming their price and people, vegetables, and fruits lining every surface as far as you can see.  Oh, and I must not forget the pungent meat section where whole portions of bloody flesh hung on display, dripping their red juices onto the street below or the seafood section, in which, little crabs crawled up out of their bucket only to be shoved back in by their vendor.  This is the craziness of Latin America that I fell in love with.  And as I stood there, taking it all in, I felt God’s presence reminding me of how He really does know best.  Despite all my misplaced dependency, sorrow, and frustration God was there reminding me that He will never leave me.  That colorful market was my rainbow sent to remind me that though I stray and wander, He remains faithful.

The Market!  

Isn't it beautiful?  

Horchata in a bag.
 In Honduras they don't waste paper cups, but instead give you your drink to go in a bag!