To gaze through the lens of eternity

Sometimes the tears are literally veiled in by nothing more than sheer will force.  But they are there nonetheless, uninvited and unbidden, waiting for a moment of weakness to break through the dam.  I miss what was once so familiar to me. I feel trapped not being allowed to walk out my front door alone.  I miss my family.  I miss my dear roommate, Amanda.  I miss the mountains, the city, and the normalcy of living in the United States. I don’t understand this culture.  I don’t speak this language.  And I’m here.  Alone.  It’s in moments like these that I wonder if I’m doing the right thing.  And though, this may be for just a short time, I do know that He has me here…now.  He has a purpose in me being here and I will never learn that purpose if I spend my entire time here hoping to be someplace else. 

It hurts, you know.  It hurts to know that my entire family is reuniting and I am here in a strange country apart from them.  It hurts to know that God may call me to spend my entire life nowhere near the ones I love.  It is not easy for me, but my deepest desire is to glorify God in my life and actions.  Sometimes I lose sight of this goal and want nothing more than to see the sight of those glorious Wasatch Mountains and soak up the presence of those I love.  Sometimes I want to just forget it all and hop back on a plane.  But that is not why I am here.  I was not put on this earth so that I could enjoy myself and my family.  I was put here to glorify and enjoy God.  We cannot enjoy God when we are actively rebelling against Him and so I find myself here.  Right now, in this moment, it’s not where I want to be, but it is where God has put me.  So, when I gaze at this moment with an eternal perspective, I want to be nowhere else.      

Joy Amongst Inconsistency

One thing that being in a third world country has taught me is to not take for granted the blessing of consistency found in the United States.  Here, life is inconsistent.  You never know when you might return home to a house with no working electricity. If the electricity is not working, you won’t be able to cook your dinner, take a shower, or recharge your dying computer.  You never know when the Internet might go out for hours and you’ll be forced to reschedule your Skype date with a friend.  You never know if the roads will be clear enough to get where you are going in time.  You never know if the grocery store will have what you are looking for in stock.  The list could go on and on. 

            So, I am starting to thank God for each little moment He gives me.  Today I am thanking God that the electricity worked long enough for me to shower, that the Internet, which has been going on and off in roughly 5 minute intervals, worked just long enough for me to submit my homework to Moody, and that the power went back on in time for me to warm up some tea.  I used to take these things for granted, but when they could disappear at any moment, I realize just what a blessing these things truly are.  

See why the electricity is inconsistent?  :)

The City of Tegucigalpa