To gaze through the lens of eternity

Sometimes the tears are literally veiled in by nothing more than sheer will force.  But they are there nonetheless, uninvited and unbidden, waiting for a moment of weakness to break through the dam.  I miss what was once so familiar to me. I feel trapped not being allowed to walk out my front door alone.  I miss my family.  I miss my dear roommate, Amanda.  I miss the mountains, the city, and the normalcy of living in the United States. I don’t understand this culture.  I don’t speak this language.  And I’m here.  Alone.  It’s in moments like these that I wonder if I’m doing the right thing.  And though, this may be for just a short time, I do know that He has me here…now.  He has a purpose in me being here and I will never learn that purpose if I spend my entire time here hoping to be someplace else. 

It hurts, you know.  It hurts to know that my entire family is reuniting and I am here in a strange country apart from them.  It hurts to know that God may call me to spend my entire life nowhere near the ones I love.  It is not easy for me, but my deepest desire is to glorify God in my life and actions.  Sometimes I lose sight of this goal and want nothing more than to see the sight of those glorious Wasatch Mountains and soak up the presence of those I love.  Sometimes I want to just forget it all and hop back on a plane.  But that is not why I am here.  I was not put on this earth so that I could enjoy myself and my family.  I was put here to glorify and enjoy God.  We cannot enjoy God when we are actively rebelling against Him and so I find myself here.  Right now, in this moment, it’s not where I want to be, but it is where God has put me.  So, when I gaze at this moment with an eternal perspective, I want to be nowhere else.